I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
