Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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