so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
