he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
