At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
