Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
