Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
