Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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