before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
