No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
