my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
