bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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