i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
