she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
