My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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