I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
