like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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