imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize