I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
