It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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