I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
