i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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