we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
