it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
