did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
