my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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