she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize