Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
