You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
