New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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