I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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