Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
