I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
