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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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