non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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