I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
