is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
