i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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