im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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