I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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