We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
