Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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