Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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