I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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