Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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