im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
