They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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