the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
