Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had sex on a roof
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
