kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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