i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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