she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your penis caused this!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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