Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i believe in u and ur pee
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
