Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
love makes seman taste better
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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