Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
