New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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