a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
