foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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