yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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