Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
