my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
