never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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