i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
