i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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