Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
