i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
