peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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