That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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