So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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