When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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