when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He better not be in your backpack
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
