I think i peed on brittanys purse
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
