What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
