i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
